


Anything Else But The Truth

by retts



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Community: kinkme_merlin, M/M, Pseudo-role playing, Romance, Season 4 Spoilers, Skulking round the kingdom, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-30
Updated: 2011-11-30
Packaged: 2017-10-26 17:24:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/285931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/retts/pseuds/retts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for this <a href="http://kinkme-merlin.livejournal.com/28101.html?thread=27103941#t27103941">prompt</a> at the kinkme: Arthur and Merlin are not in a relationship and are completely ignorant of the rumors surrounding them...until they accidentally overhear another couple roleplaying as them. (The couple can be whatever gender(s) the writer wants them to be.)</p><p><i>Even though it was not part of 'pretend as though it never happened', Merlin couldn't help but avoid Arthur unless absolutely necessary.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Anything Else But The Truth

It wasn't often that Arthur indulged in anonymity and bad ale. The former was not exactly in his self-assured nature and the latter just tasted disgusting. But Merlin knew tonight was going to be One Of Those Nights when he nudged open the door to Arthur's chambers and saw his King fastening a black cloak over his shoulders, the distinctive ring on his thumb nowhere to be seen, possibly kept in a drawer for safe keeping.

"Going somewhere?" Merlin asked lightly, walking over to the table and setting down the plate of food he carried.

Arthur's eyes briefly flicked to his supper. "Yes, although that's really none of your business."

Merlin resisted the urge to purse his lips and waved a hand on the nearest chair instead. "Well, if it's none of my business, then you won't mind if I just stay here and finish this? Hate for all this food to go to waste, you see. If I bring it back to the kitchens untouched, the cook will no doubt demand why you've not eaten any and it will be such an inconvenience if you're heading out - "

"Merlin," Arthur said, and tossed another cloak similar to his at Merlin, "do shut up. You're coming with me tonight."

Merlin caught the cloak and frowned down at it. "Of course I am," he muttered under his breath. He glanced longingly at the steaming plate, then looked at Arthur with a hopeful little smile. "Perhaps after I've - I mean, _you've_ eaten a bit?"

Arthur smirked at him. "Surely you cannot be hungry after that enormous lunch you'd had. And those apples that were meant for me."

"I wouldn't be so hungry if you didn't have me running round the castle all day," Merlin grumbled as he dusted off the cloak. There was a distinct in-the-closet smell clinging to the fabric. Oh, there was a large hood as well, fantastic. The rest of the night was starting to take a definite shape in Merlin's head. He only hoped this one would not end in bloodshed like the last disappearing act Arthur had done.

Arthur sighed and made an impatient gesture at Merlin. "You're the King's manservant now, Merlin. It stands to reason you have more duties to attend to. And will you hurry up, I'd rather not have to sneak out of my own castle _when_ the night patrol starts."

With a wrinkle of his nose, Merlin did as he was told. The cloak settled on his shoulders and he fussed with the tie. "Do you really think that sneaking round in the dark wearing this bloody thing is going to lessen suspicion? Are you expecting your guards to see us and go, 'Oh look, there are two hooded men skulking down the corridor. It must be the Prat King and his Long-Suffering Manservant taking care to be as inconspicuous as possible.'"

It was not at all unexpected when Arthur came towards him and scuffed Merlin round the back of the head. Merlin didn't even bother ducking away. There was an amused twist to Arthur's lips as he said, "When will you learn that using big words in your sarcastic remarks will not shock me into stopping whatever it is I want to do? Now come, a night of bad ale awaits us!"

"Oh joy," Merlin said flatly as he followed after Arthur. He'd long resigned himself to trailing Arthur's shadow ages ago. This was no exception. Merlin knew better than anyone else what sort of trouble Arthur often got himself into.

 

 

They managed to get out of the castle without attracting attention, much to Merlin's irritation. Not that he wanted to get caught, exactly. If that happened, it would be Merlin who'll get the brunt of the council members' dark glares and angry mutterings while Arthur would only wave a kingly hand in dismissal. Even as the truth of that rankled, what really had Merlin rolling his eyes and thinking all sorts of uncharitable thoughts was the smug smile on Arthur's face and the grand way he swept a hand at every corner they turned safely.

Why did Merlin ever think that Arthur being King would make him less insufferable? Clearly all those mind-numbing council meetings only served to make Arthur a bigger prat.

Still, that small (very infinitesimal) part of Merlin was glad that Arthur had stopped being broody for the moment and chosen to return to his default persona. Merlin will just have to bear it with his usual grace.

The walk to the lower town was done in silence. Merlin was not overly familiar with the route, having only taken it once or twice in the past, but Merlin was pretty sure they were heading to the same tavern he'd tracked Arthur to a few months back. It really was that sort of night, then. Merlin unconsciously reached up to rub at his nose. Arthur caught the motion and flashed him a grin.

The tavern was just as seedy-looking as the last time Merlin had been there. The sign outside was all but in splinters. He quickly scampered after Arthur's confident stride, which led them to the farthest table in the room. The tavern was crowded with the sort of people that Arthur made an art of capturing: bandits, drunkards, rough-looking travellers who've seen better days (and fewer lakes to bathe in by the looks of them). Merlin felt a bit nervous to be surrounded by multiple threats on all sides. His magic could handle all of them easily, but with Arthur nearby? Even his King's less than stellar observational skills would be piqued if Merlin ever cast any spells in this place.

"Uh, Arthur? Are you certain this is the place you want to be?" Merlin asked, trying to pull his hood lower over his face. A man with a terrible jagged scar on his face was eyeing Merlin with interest.

Arthur sent him an amused look. "Relax, Merlin. I'll protect you if anything were to happen."

"Not...exactly what I'm concerned about," Merlin said, but let it be when Arthur waved a hand for the serving girl and shouted for two tankards of their best ale. The girl brought them their drinks and her tired eyes went wide at the gold coin Arthur handed her.

Merlin glared at Arthur. "Are you trying to get caught? Because let me assure you, Sire, you will be if you keep handing out money like that and demanding orders as if you're bloody royalty."

The other man picked up his tankard and drank deeply from it. Arthur let out an undignified burp when he resurfaced. "Don't call me that here, Merlin. Come on, are you going to pout for the rest of the night? Don't make me regret bringing you along."

Merlin took a sip of his ale and grimaced. Arthur's smile widened. "Spoilt by castle wine, are you? Drink up, Merlin."

"It's foul."

"It'll put hairs on your chest."

"I have hairs on my chest!"

"I've seen your bare chest, if you recall. Not very manly. If a fight broke out now, you'd be defenseless as a baby deer." Arthur made a thoughtful sound, eyes scanning all over Merlin's face. "You are a baby deer."

Merlin felt terribly insulted. _I've saved your life more times than you can possibly count_ , was on the tip of his tongue. It hovered there tantalisingly until Merlin swallowed another mouthful of bad ale. "You think you're so clever," Merlin said instead, peering into his tankard suspiciously. He had no head for any sort of drink at all, and even this watered-down atrocity on the palate was no exception. He decisively put the tankard down. "If you wanted a reliable hand in a brawl, then perhaps you should have asked someone else to come."

A look passed across Arthur's face. "I'd rather it be you than anyone else helping me," Arthur said in a low voice. His eyes caught Merlin's for a brief moment before looking away.

Something warm uncurled in Merlin's chest, chasing away the apprehension he'd been carrying ever since they left Arthur's chambers. It pleased Merlin a ridiculous amount that Arthur was opening up more, sharing secrets and those fond smiles that Merlin has missed for the past year, even if it was all done in the cover of the night. It didn't make them any less true or precious. And that Arthur was opening to _Merlin_ , as if they were truly friends after a long time of feeling as if they weren't, made the warmth spread to all corners of Merlin's being. It was ridiculous, how much Merlin loved Arthur, despite - despite everything.

Merlin smiled widely, eyes crinkling. "I'd rather it be you as well. No one is better at hitting things than you," he said, meaning for it to be light-hearted but still sounding as if he was pouring his whole heart out.

 

 

It was always a joy to see Arthur drunk. He was not rowdy like the other knights. He didn't even sing any inappropriate songs, which was a blessing considering the people around them. But Arthur's tongue was looser, more frequent to say nice things about Merlin. He was also more honest, speaking about his doubts, his disappointments. Guinevere's name was under all of those, even if Arthur never explicitly shaped her name. It made Merlin wish he could be just as honest and he tried to be, saying everything except for the one thing he most wanted to tell Arthur. All the while, there was a tiny ache below his left clavicle, like crushed hope.

Of course, an inebriated Arthur, even only a slightly one, was not completely sentimental. His playful side rose to the surface, the one prone to teasing Merlin. This was easier, though. The give and take of their banter was already second nature. Merlin felt highly pleased with himself as, more than once, Arthur let out a belly-deep laugh. Each and every time, Merlin shushed him whenever the sound prompted others to glare at them.

Merlin quickly changed his mind about this when Arthur was laughingly recounting the night Merlin had surprised Arthur in this very tavern and earned a very good knock to the face. The amount of blood had been surprisingly plenty, to which Arthur had apologised in his own way by being awkward for the next few days and pointedly ordering more fruit and cheese and bread than one man could possibly hope to eat in one sitting. Now, though, Arthur was no longer guilt-ridden and was free to laugh at the remembered look on Merlin's face, the way he'd fussed with his neckerchief, the bit of a nasally tone he'd developed for a few days after the incident.

"You are such an ass," Merlin said with a huff. Then Merlin perked up, remembering long dark ears and a very disgruntled Arthur.

Arthur grinned, all white crooked teeth. "Don't even think about it, Merlin."

Merlin did, anyway. Then he said it out loud. The stocks was a small price to pay for getting back at Arthur.

 

 

They were on their way back to the castle, a lot noisier and unsteadier than they'd been at the beginning of the night. Arthur was not as drunk as Merlin and managed to walk and breathe at the same time. The same could not be said for Merlin, who was moaning that he should not have had that second tankard, or third, every time he tripped.

"Be quiet or someone will hear us," Arthur said, eyebrows trying to be severe but failing.

Merlin laughed softly. "You'll never be able to look like Gaius, I've told you. Stop trying."

"It will look impressive during council meetings, though." Arthur gave him a gentle push and cursed when Merlin was all but flung sideways. Arthur quickly grabbed at Merlin and pulled him close enough to wrap a steadying arm round his waist. "You are more trouble than you're worth," Arthur told Merlin as they made their way down the empty street. '

Merlin merely hummed in response and let his head loll a bit towards Arthur's shoulder, nearly touching but not quite. The moon was high in the sky and a cool breeze blew by them, swirling their cloaks round their knees. Merlin's hood was in danger of falling back, revealing flushed cheeks and unfocused eyes. He was looking at Arthur with something like adoration. He knew it and couldn't bring himself to care all that much.

Arthur snorted when he caught the way Merlin was looking at him. "Careful, Merlin, you'll give others the wrong idea. Encourage rumours."

Merlin blinked slowly. "Are there rumours?"

"There must be," Arthur replied easily. "You're quite transparent, you know."

Merlin wanted to laugh at that. He'd have lost his head by now if he really was so transparent. Would Arthur let Merlin be executed if he found out? It was alarming that Merlin could not be sure of the answer. It felt like a kind of betrayal on its own. The bright feeling in his chest vanished, leaving Merlin hollow and weary.

"You don't know at all," Merlin said, knowing he meant something else entirely and that Arthur would not have a clue. "There are no rumours. You're rather blind, Arthur. You don't know."

For a few shuffling steps, Arthur was quiet. A frown slid on his face. His hand on Merlin's hip tightened. "What are you talking about, Merlin?"

Merlin shook his head. "Nothing," Merlin lied sullenly. "I'm just rambling. Drunk, y'know."

Arthur narrowed his eyes. "If you think me so blind, then it's only to spare your feelings - "

That wasn't something Merlin wanted to talk about either. He felt wretched all of a sudden. It was funny how their conversations could turn over on its head without warning.

"Arthur," he said loudly, "just forget it, alright? I only meant to say you're right, there are no rumours. There's no reason for there to be any rumours."

They stopped. Arthur looked at him in exasperation. "You are not making sense, Merlin."

"Told you, I'm drunk."

"That's merely an excuse."

"It's a good one," Merlin said, trying for a small smile. Arthur still looked like he wanted to drag a confession out of Merlin but didn't say anything further. The silence wasn't quite as comfortable as they went on, walking down an alley that would lead them to a small gate at the side of the castle walls. Arthur didn't let go of Merlin, though it made skulking in the shadows more challenging.

A jut of stone on the floor caught Merlin off guard and he stumbled into Arthur, causing both of them to wobble.

"Oh," Merlin gasped as the world spun for a moment. The moon tumbled out of his vision.

Arthur steadied himself with a hand on the wall as the other closed around a fistful of Merlin's tunic to keep Merlin upright. "You idiot, M - "

" _Merlin!_ "

Both men froze, eyes meeting in bafflement.

"Was that you?" Merlin whispered.

Arthur straightened and let go of Merlin. "No, now hush."

Merlin swallowed his words and tilted his head to the side. He'd known it wasn't Arthur. For one, the voice was completely different. Second, Arthur's lips had been very close to Merlin's face and Merlin hadn't seen them move around the syllables of his name.

They stood there, ears pricked in concentration, but there was only silence. "Perhaps we imagined it?" Merlin asked in an undertone. Arthur's eyebrows were knotted, his hand resting lightly on the hilt of his sword, cloak parted to reveal the glint of it by his hip.

Arthur's frown deepened. "I could have sworn - "

"Oh gods, _Arthur!_ "

Merlin practically jumped at that. He looked around with wide eyes. "What was that?"

Arthur held a finger to his lips, eyes narrowed dangerously. Merlin nodded. They kept their back to the wall as they inched forward, straining to hear anything in the darkness. A large tree overhead blocked light from filling the small path and Merlin resisted the urge to cast a fire.

As they drew closer, Merlin could hear more sounds now. At first the words were too soft to be clearly heard, just the rumble of a consonant or an indistinct moan.

"Gods, yes, do you like that? I know you do. Just _look_ at you," murmured a voice huskily, the words soft like footfalls. "Acting so high and mighty, now begging at my feet. Arthur, you gorgeous thing."

Arthur went rigid and there was a soft click as he unsheathed his sword. Merlin quickly put a hand on Arthur's arm and said, "No, let's - just wait," and felt the taut line of Arthur's arm. But Arthur seemed to listen to him for once because he made no move to attack. Merlin swallowed and listened with growing trepidation.

"Merlin," came a growl in the dark, shocking Merlin into letting out a breathless gasp, "please. Please. You can't leave me like this. You _can't_. I'm your King and you have to - have to - "

"I don't have to do anything," not-Merlin replied in a silky tone. "You're my servant tonight, Arthur. You'd be lost without me."

"Yes, yes, gods, _yes_ ," not-Arthur desperately agreed. "You're my friend. You're my rock. You're - You're everything, _Merlin!_ "

Merlin's hand was clammy on Arthur's sleeve. Merlin didn't dare move, not even to take his hand away. His breathing grew ragged the longer he listened. He felt horrified and embarrassed and - aroused. In front of him, Arthur was utterly silent.

He took one look at Arthur's face and knew that whoever these people were (gods, they were still mumbling their names) would meet the sharp point of Arthur's sword. He felt angry himself that anyone would dare violate them in such a way. More so for Arthur because he was their goddamn King.

Merlin tightened his grip on Arthur and gently pulled him back. "Come on, Arthur, it's not - let's just go, yeah? This isn't - Arthur no - " Merlin shook his head and refused to let go of Arthur, even when the other man gave him a ferocious glare, because as much as he wanted to, Arthur was _drunk_ ; not thinking clearly, and it was possible for his rage to take over.

Thankfully, after a brief moment where the cries of 'Arthur' and 'Merlin' had turned to harsh panting and vague cooing, Arthur let himself be dragged back out of the path. There was a nerve ticking on his temple and his jaw was clenched so tightly that Merlin's own teeth ached in sympathy.

As soon as they were some distance away, Merlin quickly let go of Arthur and took a few steps back. He turned his hot face to the breeze, unsure of what to say. His heart was beating swiftly in his chest and fear was budding in the back of his mind. What was Arthur thinking? Obviously he was disgusted by what he'd heard, by the sheer audacity and stupidity of the act.

"Those bloody bastards," Arthur spat out. He stared down at his fist, blinking rapidly.

Something in his tone made Merlin ask, "Do you know who they were?"

"Yes, I do. I recognise their voices. Don't worry, they will be suitably punished." Arthur didn't look at him as he spoke and Merlin refused to let it hurt. It had nothing to do with him, really, and all about the fact that two foolish people had decided to use Arthur's and Merlin's names in their reenactment of a lie.

"Arthur," Merlin said without really knowing what to say after. The name hung in the air, and Arthur stiffened.

"Let's go, Merlin." Arthur took a step forward, hesitated, and said, "We will not talk of this again. We'll pretend as thought it never happened. Come."

Merlin didn't immediately move. He stared at Arthur's retreating back, now headed in the opposite direction towards the main gate, and wrapped his arms round himself. Merlin took a deep breath and hastened to catch up.

 

 

Even though it was not part of 'pretend as though it never happened', Merlin couldn't help but avoid Arthur unless absolutely necessary. He kept to the stables, brushing down their horses and feeding them stolen apples from the kitchen. If Arthur went for a ride, Merlin escaped to the armoury. There were plenty of swords that needed sharpening, shields requiring a good wipe down.

When Arthur's shadow appeared at the doorway, Merlin practically dropped everything he was holding and scurried to the kitchens. Merlin knew Arthur would rather let Gwaine call him 'Queen' than be caught in the kitchens by the cook after letting all that food spoil the other night (he _had_ told Arthur, to be fair) so Merlin felt safe for the time being. Not that Merlin thought Arthur was deliberately following him. If anything, Merlin was being paranoid because naturally Arthur wanted as much distance between them as possible after what they'd witnessed.

If only Merlin could convince himself this and not expect to see the King coming out of every corner.

"You look down today, love," Beth commented from where she was peeling potatoes. She smiled kindly at him and beckoned him closer with her knife. Merlin sat on the bench next to her and picked up a potato, staring mutely down at it as if it held the answers to his problems.

The kitchen was a bustle of activity. There was to be an important meeting later on and the kitchen staff was determined to churn out as much food as the council would need. Merlin knew Arthur would require his presence later on during the meeting, to fetch ink bottles and papers and other miscellaneous things. Secretly, Merlin just thought Arthur wanted him to suffer the same torment as he did.

"Now there you go, frowning at poor vegetables that’ve never done a thing to offend you," Beth said and took the potato Merlin kept rolling over. "Tell me, then, what's wrong."

Beth was nice. Actually, everyone in the kitchen staff was nice unless you didn't do anything to piss them off, but Beth especially. She was plump and red-cheeked and had a wicked reputation amongst the groomsmen. To Merlin, though, she was like a naughty aunt.

Merlin was hesitant to say anything and Beth's eyes lit up. "Oh, I see, is this to do with our golden King?" Before Merlin could agree (or deny), Beth waved the knife in Merlin's face, which was really rather dangerous, and said, "What am I saying? This is you, Merlin. Of course it's about Arthur."

"What about Arthur?"

Merlin watched as the kitchen seemed to come to a halt. Even the cook paused in stirring the great pot to give Merlin a speculative look.

"Nothing is the matter," Merlin said, raising both hands. "Honestly!"

Beth exchanged a knowing look with the girl chopping up carrots. "Really? Then why are you sitting here looking as if someone's kicked your puppy? Face it, Merlin, you're an open book when it comes to his Majesty."

"I am not!" Merlin denied, squirming under the scrutiny. Interest in Arthur had never been this keen before he was crowned as King.

"Aye, you are, bless your sweet heart." Mary giggled as she looked at Merlin under her lashes. "Kicked out of his chambers, were you? You wouldn't be hiding here in the kitchens otherwise."

The women tittered and shared coy glances. Merlin straightened as a horrible flush came to his cheeks, realising what they meant.

"What?" Merlin shook his head vehemently. "No! Gods, with Arthur? No. No! He's - you know he's such a - just no! Besides, Arthur's with - um, that is, was with - "

Beth gave him a sharp smile and brought down her knife on the potato with surprising force. "Ah yes, of course, how could we forget? The girl's sweet, but I'm certain the King will choose you in the end, Merlin. He simply lights up when you're around."

Merlin laughed in disbelief, this time giving a gentler shake of his head, rueful. "You've no idea what you're talking about. None at all. You've got the wrong idea about Arthur and me." He bit his lip, looking down at his lap. He wanted to say they were friends, but that was often met with derisive snorts.

"There you go, looking like someone's kicked your puppy again," Mary said and leaned across the table to ruffle Merlin's hair. He endured the touch with a playful wince. Branwen, who'd been listening intently, sidled up to Merlin's side and discreetly handed him a freshly-baked pastry. "Here," she whispered when Merlin turned to her in surprise, "for your love troubles."

"I don't have love troubles!" Merlin protested in annoyance, though he accepted the pastry nonetheless.

It was then that the cook joined the conversation. He glowered and brandished his spoon threateningly at them. "Why are you all slacking? We have a lot to do and there'll be no gossiping in my kitchen. Now get back to work!" He gave Merlin a particularly nasty glare. "You, Merlin, keep your nose out of my kitchen when we're busy. You and talk of your romance troubles always disrupt productivity. Go."

"I don't have romance troubles," Merlin muttered around his pastry. The cook crossed his arms and tapped his foot. Merlin quickly swallowed his mouthful and got up from the bench. "Alright, alright, I'm leaving. But, um, I just remembered that Arthur asked for a double serving this lunch."

Beth snorted from where she was busily peeling vegetables again. "Better make your escape now, lad."

Merlin grinned and ran out of the kitchen, the cook's angry cursing chasing after him. He laughed under his breath, spirits high at the moment. He slowed down to a jog, smiling at the rest of his pastry. "Hello," he said happily and bit into the warm, flaky treat.

Which was when Arthur rounded the corner, followed by Leon, and nearly knocked Merlin over.

"Why are you always so clumsy?" Arthur grumbled, righting Merlin with a hand on one shoulder.

"Sorry, Sire," Merlin said and quickly backed away, leaving Arthur's hand hanging in midair for a second before it went back to Arthur's side. "What do - Is there something I can do for you?"

Arthur frowned at him. "Yes, actually. I need you to go down the stables and - "

"I've already done that," Merlin blurted out. He glanced at Leon when the knight arched an eyebrow at him. Merlin coughed and added, "Sire."

The frown grew more pronounced. "Well, my sword needs - "

"It's been sharpened," Merlin cut in. He shifted from foot to foot, wanting to get away. Being near Arthur was bringing back memories and with them, words that were just too humiliating to think about in public. "And your shield has been polished, your chambers cleaned, your laundry delivered, and the rushes changed. Sire."

"I see." Arthur shrugged and waved a hand at him. "Go see if Gaius needs anything, then. But come find me before the meeting starts."

"Yes, Sire," Merlin dutifully said and turned on his heel without a single deferential gesture and barely stopped himself from running. Behind him, Merlin was just able to hear Leon say, "Merlin gets stranger and stranger every day."

 

 

In darkness, Merlin allowed himself to take his aching prick in his hand. He covered his mouth with his other hand, stifling any noise he made. He heard in their own voices -

 _Look at you Arthur_

 _Begging at my feet_

 _Merlin, please please please_

 _I need you_

 _You'd be lost without me_

 _Yes, Merlin_

and Merlin bit down hard on his bottom lip, the dull throb unable to distract him from the desperate need between his legs. If only Arthur would: if only, if only.

 

 

The next day, Merlin was undecided whether he should watch the knights' training or be elsewhere. He usually didn't miss training for reasons only known to him, but Merlin was contemplating skipping this one and perhaps a few more. But then Arthur had become spoiled by Merlin's presence, who always ready with a towel or water skin, and might sulk if Merlin wasn't around to serve him. In the end Merlin made his decision and went out to the training field. He was already late and Gwaine waved him closer when Merlin was within sight.

"Hello, did you have a quarrel with his Majesty?" Gwaine asked bluntly when Merlin reached him. He clapped a large hand on Merlin's back with enough force to make Merlin's knees buckle.

"What?" Merlin looked at where Arthur was yelling at the young knights-in-training. They looked ready to burst into tears. "No, we didn't. What on earth is he doing?"

Percival looked entirely too amused. Arthur wore a stony expression as he ordered two of the young men to pick up their swords and shields. "Well, whatever happened, it's got Arthur furious and he's turned most of his anger on the hopefuls."

Merlin was baffled. Arthur didn't do this. Even when he'd had the worst day possible, and Merlin had been around for all of those, Arthur would never take his anger out on innocent bystanders, especially not on the young men who looked up at him with shining eyes. This was highly unusual.

"I wonder what's got our King's knickers in a twist," Gwaine snickered, looking like he'd want nothing more than to rile Arthur up. Merlin had no doubt that Gwaine would do just that later.

Leon made a thoughtful sound, rubbing his chin. "Arthur had been talking to the trainees yesterday. Particularly Hector and Lud. I wasn't there during that conversation, but the two were practically shaking in their boots when they left Arthur's chambers. The look on Arthur's face when I came in could have been carved from stone."

Elyan rubbed his hands together. "I sense a mystery here."

It was no longer a mystery to Merlin. He had an inkling as to the reason to Arthur's wrath today, one that was gaining plausibility as Arthur ordered Hector and Lud, who were both red-faced and clearly ashamed, to run round the training field carrying their sword and shield until Arthur told them to stop. Merlin could not quite feel sympathy for the boys as they did as they were commanded, enduring the curious stares of everyone in the field.

Arthur caught Merlin's eye and after a moment, Merlin gave a slight incline of his head. Arthur made no move to indicate that he understood but Merlin knew he did anyway. He half-listened as the knights speculated on Arthur's sudden mood, each successive reason more outlandish than the last as Gwaine and Elyan made a challenge of it, while the rest of him was thinking of what to do to those boys for causing Merlin's present agony.

Merlin resolved to flip through his magic book as soon as he had the chance.

 

 

Merlin began to clean up after Arthur, stacking the plate, cutlery, and goblet in a pile. Although, truthfully, it was more Merlin's mess than Arthur's. The King had given more than half of his supper to Merlin, citing unread reports as his excuse to sit on his desk and pretend he was not staring at Merlin as he ate. It had been more than a pleasant surprise (dinner had consisted of pheasant cooked to perfection, with cranberry sauce that just danced on Merlin's tongue), even if Merlin suspected this unexpected charity was more of a distraction tactic than an apology for forcing Merlin to abandon a similar plate the other night.

It took a moment before Merlin noticed that Arthur was repeatedly clearing his throat and coughing in his corner.

"Are you coming down with something, Sire?" Merlin asked innocently, picking up the plate and inching towards the door. "I'll go tell Gaius you'll need something for you throat."

"Merlin, put those down," Arthur ordered, standing up and making his way to Merlin. He flexed his fingers, light from the hearth casting shadows to make them appear longer, and stared coolly at Merlin until Merlin did as he was told.

The silence stretched on, thick enough for Merlin to choke on. Arthur didn't seem bothered by it, keeping his eyes on Merlin, whose skin itched wherever that blue gaze alighted on.

"I was right, you know," Arthur said.

Merlin's eyes twitched in confusion. "About what, Sire?"

Arthur gave a delicate shrug. "Rumours, I should say."

Merlin knew what Arthur meant, for he'd been hearing snatches of them now that he'd realised how people looked at them, and hadn't that strange conversation with the kitchen staff just proven what sort of rumours they were? He knew that people were overly interested in his relationship with Arthur because of who Arthur was. It made something unpleasant twist in Merlin's stomach to know that there were others who saw clearly one of the things that Merlin tried to keep a secret. And now Arthur knew, because he'd listened to the rumours and thought about Merlin's behaviour, and as oblivious as he could be, Arthur had to be completely blind to miss _this_. Merlin himself had given it away more times than he dared to think about, unable to stop the overflow of emotions he had for Arthur.

In the back of Merlin's mind, it made him wonder if there was anyone else in the castle who knew the other, more dangerous secret that lurked behind Merlin's eyes. It sent an even deeper twist of fear in his gut, more than Arthur's discovery of Merlin's love could, because rejection from that corner Merlin could overcome as long as he could stay by Arthur's side. The other one, however -

Arthur crossed his arms and leaned against one of the bedposts. "I've also been thinking about that - _situation_ we happened upon."

Merlin was helpless to fight the blush on his cheeks. "I thought we were never to speak of it again."

"I can change my own rules," Arthur said. This flippant reply annoyed Merlin deeply and he struggled not to let it show.

"Can you?" Merlin said, sparks in his tone. Obviously his struggle was not all that successful.

A tight smile appeared on Arthur's face. His expression was casual, but there was something in his eyes that put Merlin on his guard. It was his assessing gaze, the one he used when talking to an envoy from another kingdom or when he was stalking prey. It sent a not unpleasant shiver up Merlin's spine.

"I've been thinking," Arthur said softly, "about what those two idiots had said. I'm sure their interesting take on our relationship has made you wonder as well: is that how people actually perceive us? If so, then what gave them such an impression? That I want to submit to you, that I need you, that you know and dominate me in a way that seems to take care of me at the same time."

Arthur's words made Merlin flush even darker, his skin break out into gooseflesh. His anger was swept away by the sudden rush in his veins. He wiped his sweaty palms on his trousers and licked his lips. Merlin did not miss the way Arthur followed the movement, suddenly fascinated when he'd not been before.

"I don't - " Merlin took a deep breath and glanced down at his boots, suddenly feeling, of all things, _shy_. "Arthur, it was just nonsense, that's all. Two stupid boys getting caught up in the moment. I mean, I don't know why they decided to - to use our names, but it was rubbish, all of it."

Arthur cocked his head, studying Merlin with unreadable eyes. "Is that so." It wasn't a question. Merlin nodded, eager to escape this humiliation.

"But your part isn't complete nonsense, is it?" Arthur asked mildly. "I told you that night, Merlin, that I _know_ , and I only said nothing to spare your feelings."

"Oh."

Suddenly Arthur straightened and a determined look came over his face, as if he'd just decided something important. Merlin's attention was focused all on Arthur: the slow measured steps he took, the way Arthur's eyes tracked all over Merlin's face. Arthur moved with the same confidence he always did, ease and self-assurance written all over the lines of his body. But Merlin had learned long ago to look past them to the slight tremble of Arthur's fingers, the tight set of his jaw that belied his nerves, the pinched skin at the corners of his eyes that meant they would have been wide at this moment, showing vulnerability.

Merlin's heart was threatening to crush his ribs, did it beat so strongly. His eyes were wide open, lips parted to draw in needed breath. Arthur leaned closer and cupped Merlin's face in both hands. A thumb dragged firmly across Merlin's bottom lip.

"Arthur - "

"Quiet now," Arthur's voice rumbled out and it did strange things to Merlin's pulse. "I'm considering."

"A-Are you?"

With another swipe of his thumb, Arthur lowered his face until their noses were nearly touching. "A great many things, Merlin. You always seem to change my mind. It's quite a dangerous power you have, if I'm to be honest."

Merlin's heart tripped. He hesitantly placed his hands on Arthur's waist and watched with awe as Arthur's eyes grew hooded and a pleased smile curved his mouth.

"Yes," Arthur said and crossed the small distance to kiss him. It was soft and tentative, asking instead of taking, so unlike Arthur that Merlin felt his heart splinter a little. He remembered the hurt that had chased his breath away when Arthur proved determined to drive magic away from Camelot. The pain still lingered even now, huddled with the ever-present fear of discovery and resentment. This was not a guarantee. This might possibly end up hurting both of them even more and Merlin trembled with terror for the future. But -

But -

But -

"Arthur," Merlin whispered achingly and wrapped his arms completely around the other man. Merlin had always been a fool, especially for Arthur. He would deal with whatever came after this. For now, it was just Arthur, licking into his mouth, discovering what both of them could be together.


End file.
